I had reason to honour Bangkok with my feeble presence and with that the hotel in question, upon my check in –during which I perceived a quaint smell of urine?? -I was informed by the desk staff (a male of questionable sexuality) that the room I had chosen contained a queen size bed and was not a very big room, furthermore that it also lacked fenestration.
As my planned sojourn in the country’s capital was a short one, coupled with the fact that it was on the third floor in one of the cities most densely built up areas I did not object to the lack of windows, I also voiced my opinion about the room size thus “I shall only be honouring your establishment with my presence for a mere 5-6 hours and I will be entirely comfortable with a small room for this short period of time”.
During my wait for the elevator (rated for 5 people but only large enough to accommodate one grown up and possibly but not very likely one to two cats) I was the recipient of the sound of two people in room 103 doing the back with two beasts –I admit to not actually hearing him but she sounded good.
Unknown to me the queen size reference was a reference to the size of the entire room and not limited to the bed itself –the room was only slightly larger than the queen size bed situated in it –imagine a bed with walls on 3 sides and you get the picture immediately.
To their defense the room was spick and span (not much to clean if you get what I mean, a teatowel would wipe the entire room nicely) and the check in clerk did inform me of the limited space, anyhow I reckoned that it would do the job.
After a trip to a food establishment and a rather longer visit to Las Vegas a go go managed by Jay Bolt (where after an undisclosed amount of Gin and Tonics I managed amongst other things to offer to pay the balance of a mans bar tab if they would let me push him down the stairs and collect his teeth for a nice but somewhat quaint necklace) I staggered resolutely back to my before mentioned hotel room only to find out that the room was not large enough to accommodate both me and my drunkenness, my drunkenness was simply left outside the room and I slept fitfully for a few hours before my wake up and the need to get motivated.
I flagged a taxi at the entrance of the soi and expressed my wish to immediately proceed to the airport, at this point my drunkenness who had been left outside the room had rejoined me and I was starting to feel somewhat overcome, the driver of the chariot seemed to only know one rule of the road (he who arrives first wins) and it was with a cold sweat forming upon my body that we got to the airport, upon arrival the driver ignored the normal procedure letting a customer alight from his vehicle and instead screeched to a halt with horn blearing in front of another taxi ready to leave the taxi stand –happy to have arrived in one piece and not dead on arrival, I paid the driver the meter fare plus a tip to keep the young man in yabba or whatever “ups” he so clearly took, upon setting foot on the ground I saw a couple in need of a ride and I hollered at them “take this taxi, he is really really fast”, my logic being that if they took the taxi the driver may not stalk me into the building and stab me repeatedly in the back with a cornstalk or whatever he may have upon his body and deeming suitable to use to incapacitate me in order to liberate me of my meager belongings to pay for his drug habit.
Once safely inside the airport building I proceeded to the food court for some much needed produce in order to dilute the alcohol content in my stomach, the girl at the Burger King counter and myself agreed that a Junior Whopper (it just tastes better) was just what the doctor –had he been present- would have ordered and I made a total ass out of myself in the process.
I am not saying that the night and ensuing morning is the fault of the hotel in question, it is merely implied to be that, however you all know what they say “no smoke without fire”, I may stay there again but next time I will definitely only br4ing a wallet, not my hand luggage as the room was too cramped with that in there together with me.