Marmite in Laos ... An Important Scientific Study

[Blue88]

At the CERN facility In Switzerland, Scientists have finally proved the existence of the ‘Higgs Boson’, often referred to as the ‘God Particle’. After fifty years of intensive investigation, this discovery signals a major development in our understanding of the Universe.

Now that the Higgs Boson has been found, it’s time to answer the next burning question on the list:

''How will the good people of Laos react to the taste of Marmite?''

Given the diversity of the Thai diet, I’d expected positive reactions to the Marmite Taste Test in Thailand. However, the results were not as I’d expected. Despite Marmite having a flavour similar to that of roasted tak-a-tan (stick insect), the taste of Marmite was not universally welcomed. In Scientific tests, eight subjects responded negatively, one refused to comment and one subject threatened bodily harm to the investigator.

After collating the evidence, researchers at the Thai Marmite Study concluded that the effectiveness of the average Thai palate had been destroyed by years of over-exposure to papaya salad, a dish known locally as ‘Som Tam’.

At this point in time, exactly how the good people of Laos will react to the delicious yeast-based vegetarian spread is unknown. However, the researchers will keep an open mind and report their findings accordingly. Results are expected in ten days time 31[SUP]st[/SUP] March 2013.

 

[2wheels]

However, if you had provided them with 'Vegemite' ..... :jump

 

[LivinLOS]

However, if you had provided them with 'Vegemite' ..... :jump

AKA Marmite barrel scrapings..

Marmite is however what the physicists determined was actually meant by the god particle.

 

[Blue88]

Passport? Wallet? Marmite? CHECK ... I'm good to go

 

[KTMphil]

Interesting to see what the make of it

 

[Gnasher328]

Yup. Never travel without marmite or ear plugs.

 

[monsterman]

marmite is nectar of the gods

vegemite is a well known poison .

 

[Blue88]

I'm not really a planner, never have been and probably never will be .... 'Better to ride in hope than not to ride at all' is my usual mantra. However, I've visited Laos before and with the benefit of hindsight, I'd thought it best to pre-book a decent rental bike. A Honda Baja 250 from 'Jules Classic' in downtown Vientiane .... that'll do nicely.

The overnight bus journey from Bangkok to Nong Khai was uneventful. I slept most of the way and the border crossing into Laos was as painless as ever. On arrival, I exchanged a few thousand Thai Baht for a few million Laos Kip, checked my Marmite ... and I was good to go.



The receptionist at the iHouse Hotel in Vientiane was expecting me, but sadly, the staff at 'Jules Classic' were not. I gave them my details, I showed them the confirmation for my rental, I gave them the booking reference number ... and they just smiled.


'You can't rent a motorcycle for 3 days .... it is 1 week minimum rental'


'Oh ... but I booked on your website, for just 3 days, and here is the confirmation you gave me'


'Yes, that is our confirmation of your booking, but we only rent motorcycles for 1 week minimum'


'Oh ... on your website, it says '1 day or 1 week, we will take care of you and make sure that your motorcycle is properly prepared' ... so I booked for 3 days .... and you confirmed my booking'

'Everybody knows, we only do rental 1 week minimum ..... I will talk with boss. You go away and come back tomorrow' :bash


The following day, the Man from Jules Classic said 'NO'. No apology and no smile, just a flat couldn't give-a-shit 'NO'. Despite the fact that they'd confirmed my booking, and had suitable motorcycles available, for some reason they simply refused to help. I consider myself to be a polite kind of guy, so maybe they hadn't liked the Horizons Unlimited T-Shirt I'd been wearing, or had I just caught them on an bad day. I really don't know what had upset them, and perhaps I never will. I'd always considered 'Jules Classic' to be the premier motorcycle rental shop in Laos, a professional operation, and when they'd confirmed my on-line booking I'd assumed that everything was good ... but maybe I'd been wrong on both counts? .... Mai pen rai kap





If this had happened in a city like Chiang Mai it wouldn't have been a problem, but clearly Vientiane isn't Chiang Mai. The options for renting larger motorcycles here are to say the very least, limited.

Not to be out-done, I did a little searching and found an alternative solution to my transportation predicament. Unfortunately it's not the ride that I'd hoped for, but on a brighter note, the Suzuki Smash should be very economical..... and it's a lovely shade of Red.

Having secured the little Suzuki for the next 3 days, on my way back to the Hotel I took a minor detour. The previous day, while waiting for a response from Jules Classic, I'd talked with a guy selling wrist-bands on the street outside of their shop. I can't remember his name, and I have no idea what happened to the lower part of his legs, but he'd been intrigued by the jar or Marmite that I'd been carrying. Sadly he refused to try the delicious yeast based spread, and I certainly didn't force him, but he did accept the money that I gave him in exchange for one of his beautiful wristbands .... I gave him the difference in cost between renting the Honda Baja and the Suzuki Smash, about $10 per day .... It was nice to see at least one person's day change for the better.



Time to start riding North

 

[2wheels]

Thanks for the alert re Jules.
You're not worried about a bike named 'Smash' then?

Reckon this will be a good story; hope you enjoy your adventure.

 

[Blue88]

Welcome to Laos, or to use its fuller name, The Lao People’s Democratic Republic. Any nation that feels the need to include the words ‘People’ and ‘Democratic’ in its name makes me feel slightly suspicious. Such inclusions often reflect a gentle misrepresentation of the facts ... just like a chocolate bar described as being ‘Fun Size’ or a tent that claims ‘Sleeps 4 Adults’ ... But when it’s applied to Nations, such misrepresentations are slightly more serious.

Democratically speaking, the 6,500,000 citizens of Laos are represented by 132 elected members of the National Assembly. Every five years, National Assembly members are elected via national ballot, a ballot that seems to include everything but choice. It appears that all officials are members of the only legally recognised political party in Laos, The Laos People’s Revolutionary Party. Thus, I suspect that the words ‘People’ and ‘Democratic’ in the country’s name are silent, just like the letter ‘S’ in Laos.

So here I am, an Englishman governed by Cameron and Clegg, a man living in a world shaped by the likes of Bush and Blair, and I’m criticizing the level of true democracy here in SE Asia. Shame on me for ever entertaining such thoughts... :bash

Moving on, in order to travel in Laos I’ve secured a rental scooter from a vendor of Vietnamese food here in downtown Vientiane. It’s a red Suzuki Smash with a shiny chrome exhaust pipe and four evenly spaced gears, all of them down. What else can I say?

 

[Blue88]

To be brutally honest, it’s fair to say that the fine people of Thailand hadn’t reacted positively to the unique taste of Marmite, but surely here in Laos, things would be different? After all, the very name Marmite comes from a traditional French cooking pot and for many years Laos was a protectorate of France, a junior partner in French Indochina. The French influences here are still very evident; architecture, language, street names and the cuisine, so I’m quietly confident that Marmite will be well received by the people.

In a game as important as this one, it’s always good get an early goal. So with this in mind, I head directly to Vientiane’s main Bus Station. I’m not in the least bit interested in buses, but close to the station is an open market where elderly ladies sell medicinal potions of spurious origin. Long gnarly roots, malformed twigs, dried curly leaves, pungent powders and what I suspect, or hope, are wooden carvings of rhino horns litter the sidewalks on makeshift mats. The smell from these ancient medicines is overpowering, and I can only assume that they taste as bad as they smell, so it’s the perfect place to start the Marmite Taste Test.

The elderly lady seems disinterested, perhaps she thinks that I’m only window shopping and not here to buy. She’s absolutely right. I pull a crusty baguette from my backpack, tear off a small chunk and dip into the spread. ‘Mmmm delicious’. Her attention is immediate, so I offer her a similar morsel and after slight hesitation, she takes it. On a positive note, she neither pukes nor spits it out, but she certainly finds the contents of her Electricity Bill to be far more palatable than the Marmite.

[ LATEST SCORE: Hate 1 - 0 Love ]
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[Blue88]

Unperturbed by the first negative result, closer to the Mekong I stop at another smaller street market. The young lady is sitting cross-legged on the pavement selling sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves. In Thailand we call this delicacy ‘kow-meaw’, and it’s possibly a better delivery vehicle than the crusty baguette that I’d employed earlier.

I purchase a portion, roll a small ball of rice and dip it into the spread ..... ‘Mmmm delicious’. She smiles suspiciously and shakes her sheltered head. Perhaps news of my quest has travelled faster than the Suzuki Smash, which on the face of it, wouldn’t be too difficult.

I roll a second ball and offer it to her. She takes it from my hand, gently sniffs it and then shouts for a friend to join her. She probably feels that there’s safety in numbers, so I roll a third ball and pass it to her friend. I struggle to understand Thai, and I certainly can’t speak Laotian, so it’s difficult to record their responses with any degree of literary accuracy.

[ LATEST SCORE: Hate 3 – 0 Love ]
​

 

[Blue88]

It’s not yet half-time, but ‘Hate’ is leading ‘Love’ by a measure of three. That’s already quite daunting, but for Marmite this is clearly an away-game and in the event of a draw, away goals always count double. Everything is still to play for, but I need to close the gap on ‘Hate’ before riding north towards Vang Vieng.

On the main road adjacent to the Mekong, I stop at the Chok Dee Cafe for an early dinner. The food is good, the Beer Lao is iced cold and outside on the pavement I meet a young Belgian by the name of Tin Tin. He’s not very talkative, but he certainly doesn’t object to being introduced to Marmite.

[ LATEST SCORE: Hate 3 – 1 Love ]
​

 

[Blue88]

Encouraged by the first positive response, and with a growing thirst for Beer Lao, I take a stool at an open-air bar within falling distance of my hotel. The dining area is busy and the bar is filling-up with happy chattering drinkers.

I shuffle along to make room for new arrivals and find myself sitting next to a lady by the name of Maple. She reminds me of a female version of Tin Tin. Perhaps they’re related and share the same discerning palate for fine cuisine, because Maple seems keen to hold onto the Marmite for the remainder of the evening. It’s the second positive result and ‘Love’ has closed the gap on ‘Hate’ ... Game On.

[ LATEST SCORE: Hate 3 – 2 Love ]
​

 

[2wheels]

But what did they look like before they ate the stuff?!

 

[Blue88]

Memo to Self: ‘Keep Right Dummy’. Yes, here in Laos they like to drive on the right side of the road. Riding on the right isn’t a challenge, it’s forgetting to ride on the right that seems to create problems. Hopefully I’ll remember and not become another painted outline on the road.

Leaving Vientiane is easy, Highway 13 North. The roads are busy, busier than I can ever remember. Congestion, lots of cars, many of them shiny and new. Billboards to the side of the road explain why. ‘Cars 4 Cash’ - ‘Cash 4 Cars’ – ‘No Deposit + Easy Payments’. The world of Easy Credit has arrived here in Laos and I’m suddenly feeling like the poorest kid in town. Laos is mirroring Thailand, but with longer skirts and slightly shorter smiles. Even the rural farmers are the same, pyromanics with a penchant for setting fire to anything that’ll burn. I twist the throttle wide open and try to outrun the choking smoke, but all I get is a lot more noise. It’s another 150Km to Vang Vieng, but fortunately I’ve got a 30 Day Visa.... No need to hurry.

The density of buildings reduces and the road imperfections increase, but the Suzuki Smash just farts along like a vegetarian grandmother. Random detours down sandy tracks and across bridgeless streams add interest to a maximum speed of 80Kph and away from the tarmac, the Suzuki starts making me smile and reminding me that I’m free. All is good in the world.

Vang Vieng is an interesting town with a local populous of older grandparents and younger kids, and a tourist population of twenty-something Europeans who appear to be strangers to grooming. I feel like the oldest Farang in town riding the slowest scooter in Laos, and I probably am. Vang Vieng reminds me of Goa thirty years ago, but without the beach and the blow. It’s a good place to kick-back with cheap rooms, stunning views and a relaxed approach to everything. Beyond the town, rough tracks lead to swimming areas, deep caves and tall mountains. With a total disregard for Health & Safety, Kids jump from bridges into not so deep rivers below and European travellers swing from high rock faces on unreasonably skinny ropes. But, nobody dies and everybody smiles.

At the side of every track, I find constant reminders that life in Laos hasn’t always been quite so carefree. Shell casings litter the area, hopefully dormant or defused, but there are no guarantees. During the Vietnam War, the US dropped 280,000,000 bombs onto Laos, that’s 47 bombs for every man, woman and child, and according to the Mine Action Group, at least 20% of them failed to explode and many remain deadly to this day.

After three days exploring in the area of Vang Vieng, it’s time to head back to the Capital. The journey back is just as slow as the journey out, but the Police decide to inject a little more excitement into my ride. Passing a busy junction, I hear whistles, but I ignore them and ride on. A few kilometers closer to Vientiane, a pair of neatly uniformed police officers finally catch up and force me to the side of the road. They speak relatively good English and that’s a worry, they clearly have experience with foreign travellers. The offence is riding with daytime lights and the price of freedom is 300,000 Kip ($30). It’s a game I’ve played before in many different countries and although we all know that they’ll win, none of us are certain about how long it will take and how much money will change hands before the distasteful situation is resolved. Back at the officer’s small wooden kiosk, I make myself comfortable and settle down for an undetermined wait. I’ve got 26 days remaining on my visa, so they’ll be going home for their tea long before I need to leave their country..... mai pen rai kap