monsterman
Senior Member
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2011
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, So I've named him Birmingham .
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy
I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's, His little face lit up when he tried to walk.. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful sods. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble any more.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you,
I'll have chicken please' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat c!$%, I was talking to the cat!'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn c0cktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy
I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's, His little face lit up when he tried to walk.. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful sods. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble any more.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you,
I'll have chicken please' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat c!$%, I was talking to the cat!'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn c0cktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
